Many times people want to come in to talk about a life problem that’s keeping them awake at night. Some examples include work stress, unhappiness in a relationship, unresolved issues, or the death of someone close. Sometimes you just want someone to listen. Many, many variables frame each person and each problem. Personal characteristics, stage of life, serious and unexpected circumstances, or chronic illness or disability are some examples of variables.
You are unique and no one else is in your shoes. Unhappily there are times when even people close to you don’t understand. Sometimes you might not even want to share with anyone else what’s on your mind.
A hearty measure of compassion is added to the coping skills and life tools you’ll learn.
The last thing you need is a professional who treats you like one size fits all.
The family of origin is the breeding ground for who we’ll be as partners. It’s where we learn who’s right and who’s wrong. As we grow and form relationships, who we are tangles with who others are. It’ as if you’re speaking French and your partner Chinese. Arguments, disappointment, and confusion leave us wondering why people think and act the way they do.
No wonder communication is difficult.
At least one of you thinks communication within your partnership could be better – and more than likely it’s the other partner who needs to change. Successful communication respects you, your partner, and the relationship in equal measures. But the updated dance of communication calls for new moves, new ways of talking and listening and shared understanding – not necessarily agreement. When what you say is what’s heard.
Instead of kicking your partner because you’ve reacted the same old way, begin actively choosing your partnership’s direction.
Families are complicated. Everything that one member does influences and affects everyone else, so on and so on in what are called endless loops. Children within families are best understood by looking at the parents in the loop.
Children are extraordinarily in need of repeated affirmation of their worth plus reassurance their parents remain in place as protectors. Because children pass through so many stages before adulthood, parental consistency is hugely important. Put another way, a child’s understanding of affirmation and reassurance changes as the child’s cognitive abilities mature.
It’s not hard to see that parents who act with healthy consistency encounter fewer behavioral and emotional problems with their children.
Very often attending to problems within an adult relationship is enough to resolve a child’s problems. Simply said, parental health precedes a child’s and has to come first. It’s why flight attendants tell you to put your mask on first before helping someone else.